Day Who Knows

Today-

Went to a jazz club with Spain. She's great; instinctively just kissed her right when I saw, and she did to. Trouble.

Now that I'm finally seeing the jazz that my city's famous for, I'm also talking with the jazz guys and getting advice on teachers. And once you've picked your instrument, the next most important choice is your teacher. And I haven't had one for... oh... seven years. So that explains some things. More importantly, had I done this a year ago, I would have been playing (and improving) for the last year under the tutelage of a pro. But my expectations, standards, and general social m.o. were just too low to get me out there. Lesson learned for next city.

Anyway, before meeting up with Spain I called another girl I had hung out with. Total disaster. Left THE most chode like message ever. She's basically been screening my calls, I think: evidently my skills in the in sack not quite up to par. (Okay there's more to the story, but she basically betaed me in bed. Can explain but a bit painful. Just remember: women need the guy to TAKE CHARGE.)

But instead of calling her on it (white magic), or pretending not to care (black magic), I did the creepy middle ground of being hurt but trying not to sound hurt. Wow. Don't suggest doing that. It was like, "Hey it's Prof. Got your message about the piano... you should look at xyz... um, we haven't hung out for awhile. We should maybe soon and dance... that would be cool. Talk to you later."

Is that someone she wants to hang out with? No. What I wish I had said: "Hope you're not avoiding my calls. That would be soooo uncool. Especially after that orgasm I gave you." Or something like that. Maybe you all can think of something better.

Lesson: Don't hide your emotions--instead, make sure you're in the best state when calling. And don't leave messages; too difficult. Just leave textes and emails... much easier to get in the right frame of mind, etc.

Anyway, thought it was funny how as SOON as I left the message, I realized all the stuff I should have said/not said. But it was so unclear before I made the call.

It's also weird how much her avoiding my calls bothers me. We're not soul-mates or anything, and I've done that a hundred times, but it's always creepy just how powerful a little "push-pull" is. You know? How important someone's validation is; how important it is to "win them back." Which leads me to try to impress someone that I don't agree with by doing things I don't (particularly) agree with.

Weird world. End of day. Need to do actual work one of these days.

PROF

p.s. Postscript: Just received an email from a friend of a friend titled: 30 Day Challenge. It's become a "meme", and evidently her and two friends are launching their own versions. (Not yet invited to join C3, don't worry.) Also, my buddy just went to a tennis match spontaneously, and was just like, "30 Day Challenge"--and he's not doing one. It's like all these people needed some excuse to do all these things, and the "30 Day Challenge" is it. Love it. Gotta keep this up FOREVER.

p.p.s. I'm thinking of upgrading the challenge to something new, someone new, and FIVE conversations that I would not have had before. (Not just girls--whoever.) It's happening naturally, but think I could nudge myself along more. What do you all think?