I'm breaking up with my girlfriend.
Or rather, she's breaking up with me. Or rather, she's leaving me because I'm not that into her. She even has a book about it called He's Just Not That Into You.
And I suppose really I'm not. And I haven't been since very early on the relationship. Which brings me to the C3 part of this post.
I need to stop being caught by girls. I'm the one who should do the catching.
And even more emphatically, I need to stop ending relationships by either leaving the country or treating her like shit for 2 years until she's finally had enough and leaves.
It's fucking awful. And totally not who I want to be. Kurt Russell wouldn't do it. Bruce Cambpell wouldn't do it. And shit if they don't do it, then I don't want to do it.
My goal for the rest of my dating years is to be clear and honest about where I'm at and what I want AND to actually take action on it. If I'm over it, it's not enough to say "Baby, I don't think I'm into you anymore... seriously, you should dump me..."
That's not at all what I want to say. What I want to say is
"Baby, this isn't working out. I'm not feeling it. It's over. No, no, tears won't break my steely resolve or soften my gigantic testicles, it's over"
Or at the very least I wanna be like an old timey kid setting his pet wild animal free to roam the woods:
"Go Pojo. Just go!! Don't follow me! I don't love you Pojo! I never loved you! Just go!!"
The truth is my girlfriend (ex girlfriend?) is awesome. There are a million things I love about her and I'm deathly afraid I won't be able to find anyone like her. I'm afraid I'll never have another connection anywhere near as deep as I have with her.
And cliche as it is, I honestly think she deserves someone who will appreciate her more.
We've had this pattern where she pursues me from the beginning of our relationship. So my first mistake was letting myself be roped into a relationship... though I wouldn't give up a minute of it... so that's a conundrum I guess.
But anyway, in this case my BIG mistake was trying to force us apart by acting cold and being mean to her. Partially because I hoped she would dump me as result, partially because I thought it would allow me to break up with her.
Bitch move on my part. Pussy too. And quite a bit douchey as well. I know I'm playing it off but it really does make me feel facking terrible.
So, to avoid this I have (2) goals (which I've already mentioned, but I'm going to state them again in official form)
(1) Actively pursue women I find amazing (instead of being afraid of them). This should keep me from just falling in with whomever decides I should be their boyfriend.
(2) If I somehow do end up in a relationship I don't want to be in, sack up and end it. Clint Eastwood style. Come right out and say it and stick to the decision. No take backs.
In the mean time, I'll be taking a break from the dating scene. No rebound for me thank you very much.
But I look forward to some new shit through Johnny6, the Prof and the Tharutee Daiyo Challenju! Hai!
--Protagonist
1 comment:
Yo, did you really put hyperlinks in that post? that's fucking kickass.
You did the right thing. You're exhausted, replenishing your spirit, make new resolutions, etc., etc. The way it should be.
AND HERE'S MY C3 PROPOSAL: We don't EVER let anyone in C3 (or beyond, in some cases) get in that situation again. No more mediocre jobs (prof, johnny?), no more mediocre relatinoships (protag, prof), and no more mediocre socializing (life). Have FUN with people/situations that would be mediocre for the long-term; but jesus don't get stuck in them.
Congrats man. You did it and if you stick to your goals, your life is heading in an awesome direction--one that a lot of other guys never actual go in. Isn't that CRAZY to think about? That fucking scares the shit out of me. Let's go surfing.
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